Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Author Topic: todays e-mail joke  (Read 22884 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #140 on: 14 January 2014, 00:08:37 »
Advertisement
look familiar  :D

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #141 on: 21 January 2014, 11:14:37 »
MY ANNUAL APOLOGY!!!!!"
 
Annual apology

Over the past few months I have posted some inappropriate pictures and jokes
to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humour..

Unfortunately this wasn't the case and I seem to have upset quite
a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow..

If you were one of these people, please accept my sincerest apologies.

Looking to 2014 onward, I will only post or send e-mail with a cultural or educational
content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting topics.

Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris . It is the oldest bridge
in Paris and took 26 years to build. It was completed in 1604.



[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline Inactive

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1709
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #142 on: 21 January 2014, 11:39:01 »
 lol:1 Lovely arches..  ;D

Offline Thomasjc1

  • STAFF - Administrator
  • Must be an Admin?
  • ******
  • Posts: 6025
  • Gender: Male
    • The Tech Forum
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #143 on: 21 January 2014, 14:41:56 »
Looks quite damp there

Offline Den1

  • STAFF - Tech Expert
  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1795
  • Gender: Male
    • myallotment.net
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #144 on: 21 January 2014, 16:54:05 »
Looks quite damp there
You've got good eyes there Tom.......... Oh sorry you mean the river  >:D
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

Offline Thomasjc1

  • STAFF - Administrator
  • Must be an Admin?
  • ******
  • Posts: 6025
  • Gender: Male
    • The Tech Forum
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #145 on: 21 January 2014, 17:51:36 »
Of course Den ohhhhhhhh I see what you were looking at tut tut lol:1

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #146 on: 21 January 2014, 19:18:37 »
I think the poor Parisian flower seller just gathering her stock ,
is un- suitably dressed for autumn, maybe  through poverty poor girl    ;)

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #147 on: 21 January 2014, 21:00:35 »
A word of warning guys , don't drink Ovaltine
apparently it doesn't make you grow up to be a real man
Just stick to cola , your dentist will love you for it,
failing all that advice, light up a fag and blow the smoke into your  girls face , apparently she will love you for it and go all misty eyed ,swiftly followed by a coughing fit which will render her helpless , so job done  ;),

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #148 on: 26 January 2014, 20:30:08 »
Jeez I am feeling old , pass me another beer,


"Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when
you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'home,'' I explained. !
' Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my
plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to
suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I
had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood
if I'd figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a
golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card.

My parents never drove me to school... I had a bicycle that weighed
probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed (slow)..
(Some of us never had a car, the stove used wood & we had ice delivered)
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 8.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 PM,
after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at
about 6 am. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show
on, featuring local people...

Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers
Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films.
There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly
produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or
almost anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to
share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just
don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend:
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December)
and he brought me an old lemonade bottle.
In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea..
She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it
as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?
Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators.
Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom

1. Sweet cigarettes, Fags
2. Coffee shops with juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were
    there until TV shows started again in the morning.
    (There were only 2 channels)
7. Peashooters
8. 33 rpm records    (what about 78’s)
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with levers
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age
If you remembered 11-14 = You're positively ancient!

I must be 'positively ancient' but those memories are
some of the best parts of my life.

Don't forget to pass this along!
Especially to all your really OLD friends....I just did!

(PS. I used a large type face so you could read it easily
)
 

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #149 on: 01 February 2014, 10:13:51 »
On the highway to heaven: US biker is buried in leathers astride his beloved 1967 Harley-Davidson in a transparent casket
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2549505/Highway-heaven-Ohio-biker-buried-astride-1967-Harley-Davidson-huge-transparent-casket.html

wonder if my family would object if I did that with my favourite girl friend , lol ,

Offline Thomasjc1

  • STAFF - Administrator
  • Must be an Admin?
  • ******
  • Posts: 6025
  • Gender: Male
    • The Tech Forum
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #150 on: 02 February 2014, 01:53:08 »
 lol:1 lol:1 lol:1

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #151 on: 03 February 2014, 16:17:39 »

An Aussie stockman and his girlfriend had just got married and stopped at an outback hotel on their wedding night.

The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong bed."

The clerk winked, 'Do you want the 'Bridal it's only another $80'?'

The drover reflected on this for a moment and then replied,

"Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it.."
 

Offline Inactive

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1709
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #152 on: 03 February 2014, 16:34:36 »
^^^^^^^^^^^^ lol:1 lol:1

Offline Thomasjc1

  • STAFF - Administrator
  • Must be an Admin?
  • ******
  • Posts: 6025
  • Gender: Male
    • The Tech Forum
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #153 on: 04 February 2014, 11:12:45 »
 lol:1 very good

Offline Thomasjc1

  • STAFF - Administrator
  • Must be an Admin?
  • ******
  • Posts: 6025
  • Gender: Male
    • The Tech Forum
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #154 on: 06 February 2014, 22:40:38 »
A man is walking behind his wife and says,"Your ass is getting so big it looks like a washing machine."The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.Bedtime comes around, the man starts getting amorous.Wife says:"I'm not starting the washing machine for such a small load.You'll have to do it by hand !"

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #155 on: 06 February 2014, 22:45:43 »
 lol:1 lol:1 lol:1

Offline Inactive

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1709
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #156 on: 07 February 2014, 00:16:18 »
 lol:1 lol:1 lol:1

Nice one Tom. :D

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #157 on: 11 February 2014, 19:55:07 »
A husband and wife went in for counselling after 35 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate and painful tirade
listing every problem they had ever had in the 35 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on about neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up,
walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her on the lips passionately.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said,
“This is what your wife needs at least once every day of the week. Can you do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied,
“Well, I can drop her off here Monday through Thursday, but on Fridays, I go fishin'.”

Offline Roco

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 2275
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #158 on: 12 February 2014, 02:52:04 »
sez it all   :D

[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline Inactive

  • Super-Hero Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1709
  • Gender: Male
Re: todays e-mail joke
« Reply #159 on: 12 February 2014, 12:41:57 »
 lol:1 lol:1 Indeed.. ;)

 

Powered by EzPortal